Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Unless someone signals that they've figured this out, I think I'll just turn in for the night

Research Triangle, NC (TVN)-- A study published last week in the Journal of Genetic and Mechanical Engineering has experts everywhere questioning the very core of their scientific foundations. According to Dr. Harrison T. Bagsley, A renouned genetics researcher, the same process of evolution and adaptation found in mammals is also driving mutations in the automotive industry. Specifically, in our cars and trucks used for transportation.

"When I first discovered this, I couldn't believe it myself," Dr. Bagsley said, "But the statistics are undeniable." Dr. Bagsley, a down-to-earth scientist who prefers his friends call him Harry, went on to describe the meticulous process in which he personally surveyed over 1000 vehicles. "Each vehicle had the same new mutation - an appendage protruding from the left side of the steering column that moves up and down like a lever."

Dr. Bagsley urges the public to express caution around their transportation while scientists study this new automotive development. While many citizens have abandoned their vehicles, several more adventurous individuals have been performing their own experiments. "It moves up and down when you push on it!" One resident of Wake county exclaimed. Said another, "And John said when I moved it the car started winking these little yellow lights at me!" Local news stations across the country have confirmed hundreds of similar reports where vehicles are winking and blinking when careless car guardians begin playing with this new appendage.

Several behavioral psychologists have suggested these light signals may be used by the vehicles as a rudimentary form of communication. However, other experts believe this is simply an example of a stupid new life form expressing itself and playing fun new games. These cynics cite the repetitive nature of the blinking as well as the need for human involvement to initiate the blinking as evidence for the lack of higher intelligence in the vehicles. "What good would it do to drive down the road with lights on one half of your car blinking all day? Does that make any sense?" remarked one expert. Several others were left wondering what one could possibly hope to communicate with lights blinking in a pattern that never changes.

Until further developments, authorities caution everyone to not be careless. "We all remember what happened in Transformers, 'Revenge of the Fallen', don't we?" Said the director of the North Carolina Police department, adding, "Probably got some stupid 'concept car' to thank for all of this..." Although the directors of the North American International Auto Show were contacted, no one was available to comment on allegations.

8 comments:

  1. Fascinating! I've observed this anomaly myself as well. Perhaps... No... Could it be that the vehicles are trying to evolve some useful purpose from these mutations?

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  2. Not only that, but the entity that was previously called the 'glove compartment' and the entity that was previously called the 'cigarette lighter' are now a couple. A couple of what, I'm not sure.

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  3. A couple a crazy kids is what! What?

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  4. @ Vinny - Ha! but unlikely...

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  5. Well, now you're just being silly. Next you'll be saying that main beam headlights aren't needed at all times of day, and in all weathers. We won't tolerate it, Sir! Indigo

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  6. Well Indigo, if I didn't use the main beams in the day, how else would I be able to see with my eyes closed?

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    Thank you all for stopping by and reading!

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