Saturday, July 30, 2011

Yes, we are really like that

Ok, so that is the last time I try to schedule posts... I promise. Apparently they would have shown up in 2012. Next time we will just go with "I'm out for a few weeks and will be back later. XOXOXOXOXOXO ~cbeck"

:)

(image by xkcd.com and CC-BY-NC-2.5)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Critters: Living in the Fastlane

Paul tried to explain why he let The Purse Snatcher get away, but it all happened so fast

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Unless someone signals that they've figured this out, I think I'll just turn in for the night

Research Triangle, NC (TVN)-- A study published last week in the Journal of Genetic and Mechanical Engineering has experts everywhere questioning the very core of their scientific foundations. According to Dr. Harrison T. Bagsley, A renouned genetics researcher, the same process of evolution and adaptation found in mammals is also driving mutations in the automotive industry. Specifically, in our cars and trucks used for transportation.

"When I first discovered this, I couldn't believe it myself," Dr. Bagsley said, "But the statistics are undeniable." Dr. Bagsley, a down-to-earth scientist who prefers his friends call him Harry, went on to describe the meticulous process in which he personally surveyed over 1000 vehicles. "Each vehicle had the same new mutation - an appendage protruding from the left side of the steering column that moves up and down like a lever."

Dr. Bagsley urges the public to express caution around their transportation while scientists study this new automotive development. While many citizens have abandoned their vehicles, several more adventurous individuals have been performing their own experiments. "It moves up and down when you push on it!" One resident of Wake county exclaimed. Said another, "And John said when I moved it the car started winking these little yellow lights at me!" Local news stations across the country have confirmed hundreds of similar reports where vehicles are winking and blinking when careless car guardians begin playing with this new appendage.

Several behavioral psychologists have suggested these light signals may be used by the vehicles as a rudimentary form of communication. However, other experts believe this is simply an example of a stupid new life form expressing itself and playing fun new games. These cynics cite the repetitive nature of the blinking as well as the need for human involvement to initiate the blinking as evidence for the lack of higher intelligence in the vehicles. "What good would it do to drive down the road with lights on one half of your car blinking all day? Does that make any sense?" remarked one expert. Several others were left wondering what one could possibly hope to communicate with lights blinking in a pattern that never changes.

Until further developments, authorities caution everyone to not be careless. "We all remember what happened in Transformers, 'Revenge of the Fallen', don't we?" Said the director of the North Carolina Police department, adding, "Probably got some stupid 'concept car' to thank for all of this..." Although the directors of the North American International Auto Show were contacted, no one was available to comment on allegations.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

A Brief History of the Americas (As best as I can recall it)

On July 4th, Americans everywhere remember what is important in this country. That is, of course, the freedom to pay 5 dollars for a cup of burned coffee. Never mind that the coffee is sold to us from a company that was so sure we'd make them rich they figured their bucks would reach to the stars... what really matters is that we are not drinking tea.

See, the British were once horribly odd folks that liked to put milk in their tea. Apparently no one ever told them this was gross. Tea without milk was not an option for the poor colonies. Adding insult to injury, King George W. Bush insisted the 'Mericans smear Imperial Margerine(TM) on their English Muffins and even began putting thumb-tacks in the tea. As time passed, people got fed up (probably sometime after the middle ages when famine was less prevalent). A group of individuals emerged that decided they'd had enough and were going to do something. No one knows for sure who they were, but at least 4 of them were fathers... Anyway, one night they got together, dumped all the tea out into the ocean, and had a party. This apparently started the civil war between the French and the Indians, which ultimately lead to Custard's last stand-up comedy routine that bombed so bad Bill Cosby was given the Jello Pudding-Pop comercials...


Ok, I might have gotten some of those details mixed up, but there is a very good reason. Just recently we had the pleasure of experiencing the Fourth of July like Texans. This included spending about 5 minutes outside, then trucking it in to watch fireworks on the local news because, even at 10 PM, it was still 108 degrees F outside. Try to imagine the pleasure of recovering from heat stroke while being delighted by seizure-inducing flashes of light on your television screen - and you will begin to see why I was tempted to title this post "108 ways to get a headache"...

But Americans were not the only ones celebrating this weekend. Nope. Our very dear friends from Canada also had their very own day (I have it on good authority that Canadians do not consider themselves "Americans")*. Delighted to learn that our holiday weekend was shared with our northern neighbours, I set off to search ye olde archives for past lessons learned about the lovely nation of Canada that just might surprise you (i.e., I read an old friend's blog and looked at some pictures I took when I visited Niagara falls once). In no particular order:

1. Canadians do not travel by dogsled; unless you count that one drunk guy holding a dog leash in one hand while sitting on a trash can lid.

2. Every one there does not know my third cousin John living in Simcoe.

3. Houses are still used as general places of habitation rather than igloos.

4. Their currency is based on monopoly money.


5. A loonie is what they call a dollar rather than a relative.

6. The marijuana leaf was a close runner up as the national symbol.

7. Their baseball team could use some help, but they blame the US for its problems.

8. They blame the US for most other problems too.

9. But they still love us.

10. A paper cup of coffee is the real national symbol of Canada.